Thursday, September 4, 2008

Death of an Alabama Pastor



Poetry by Is That Latin



Join us for this new Bible Study: The Hazards of Being a Man. Thorington Road Baptist Church

The deceased is clothed in a diving wet suit,

a face mask which has a single vent

for breathing.

The normocephalic head is covered by brown hair.

There is frontal balding.

A rubberized head mask having an opening

for the mouth and eyes.

He was a senior pastor at Thorington Road Baptist Church.

The irises are brown. The conjunctive and sclerae are filled

with gas and markedly suffused.

Our Creator filled Brother Gary with a zeal for life and ministry.

A second rubberized suit with suspenders,

rubberized male underwear.

The nose is unremarkable.

He passionately pursued God daily

as he walked through his days loving his wife,

his church and the Great Commission of our faith.

Hands and feet have diving gloves and slippers.

The ears are unremarkable.

Gary was certainly honored

for all the investments he had made

in the lives of so many people

and so many different ministries.

There are numerous straps and cords

restraining the deceased.

The neck is unremarkable.

The ultimate honor was reserved for our God

who worked so wonderfully

through Gary's 51 years of life on this earth

There is a leather belt around the midriff.

The chest is unremarkable.

There is a series of ligatures extending

from the hands to the feet.

“He always seemed like a very nice man.”

The abdomen is unremarkable.

The hands are bound behind the back.

“Does anyone know his wife's name?”

The genitalia are normal adult male external genitalia.

The feet are tied to the hands.

The upper extremities are unremarkable.

There are nylon ligatures holding these in place

with leather straps about the wrists and ankles.

“They are distraught yet finding

that God's grace is indeed sufficient.”

The lower extremities are unremarkable.

There are plastic cords also tied

about the hands and feet

with a single plastic cord extending up to the head

and surrounding the lower neck.

“I Praise the Lord for His goodness, mercy and grace.”

The back and anus are unremarkable.

“How do people survive this existence without Him?”

There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom.

The prostate gland displays areas

of focal hemorrhage on its posterior surface.

Clothing present: The deceased was received wearing

two (2) wet suits,

one scuba diving mask,

one pair of diving gloves

one pair of slippers,

one pair of rubber underwear,

two (2) ties, five (5) belts, eleven (11) straps.

Our church asks the media and community

to be respectful to the facts of the event.

Evidence: Blood, head hair, pubic hair, fingerprints,

and a bloodstain card are obtained.

We respectfully ask the media and public

to respect the privacy of the family

and the church at this time.

Personal effects: One yellow metal ring intact on left ring finger,

one dildo.

Counselors will be available.

Swabs and smears obtained of the mouth and anus.

We will begin the healing process

under the strong arms

of our Savior, Jesus Christ.


The Smoking

Autopsy Report


Thorington Road Baptist Church

Our Church Grieves

Church Statement

The Fighting Fundamental Forums


AtheistExile said...

Well . . . THAT was certainly disturbing! The world's most embarrassing death.

Candace said...

Exceptional! It really grabbed me, and the fact that it's true, with cites, yet - very well done!